carry on regardless

Well I saw the oncologist on Wednesday, and he - Dr Biswas - says that the ct scan results are inconclusive, but that he feels that the 5FU or fluorouracil treatment is not working as well as he wants. Even though I am feeling absolutely fine at present he has persuaded me that it would be for the best if I were to come off this drug and to start me on a new cocktail of three. Reluctantly I have agreed. I was tolerating the 5FU so well, and have been feeling fit, regaining my weight and strength and generally was in the pink.

So at short notice we have been given three weeks chemo holiday. Next week there is family business to attend to. Then, as Lynne has managed to arrange a couple of weeks off work at short notice, we head for the Scottish islands on Saturday May 5th, via Aberdeen to see Lynne's brother and his family.

Upon my return I will be climbing back on the chemo bandwagon and onto my cocktail of three:- Irinotecan, also called Campto, Avastin, and more 5FU. The combination will be more potent, but I can expect my hair to fall out. It will also make me tired.

Lynne and I are being philosophical, on the basis that if at first you don't succeed then of course try again. Dr Bis says there are one or two other tricks up his sleeve if this doesn't work.So there are reasons to be cheerful.

We do enjoy each and every day together, and there will undoubtedly be many many more moments of joy and contentment ahead for us. I am as happy as I have ever been, and I take great pleasure in my family and friends and in everything that life has to offer. Like Iris Murdoch I have come to believe that “One of the secrets of a happy life is continuous small treats.” For example we did the three tiered plate at the Assembly House this afternoon. Sandwiches, scones and cakes all washed down by three cups of the hot and freshening. Delicious!

I pray and hope that I will continue to find the strength to carry on regardless of this (ultimately) life-blighting illness. When we talk longevity, I want my -evity to be as long as the road from here to the back of beyond!

i feel fine

the good news is that i am still feeling very well at present, and continue to cope ok with the chemo....of course there are moments and days when i have a wobble - in terms of both health and emotions - but by and large i'm doing much better than we expected....i have learnt not to rest up, but to try and keep going both on the chemo day (thursday) and also on the day after the chemo day, as the sickness and tiredness seems to bother me less if i am otherwise occupied....i do suspect though that by the end if it all i am going to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.....(a joke in the best possible taste....no? oh well never mind then....!)....work is still a pleasure and i like still being able to get out and about and feel useful....the income is always welcome too....have ended up buying a lot of new clothes to accommodate my slimline new self....i was entirely fed up of everything being so baggy and collars with four inches to spare....we enjoy our leisure and seeing all our friends and the family....we are loving having the city on our doorstep for a change and all there is on offer....i like walking in the countryside and always enjoy the wildlife...i have treated myself to a new camera with a good zoom lens to get up closer....and of course a good stiff gin and tonic goes down a treat...so you see the simple pleasures prevail....i don't think so much about the future but live for each day the best i can....i had the ct scan this week (donut day) and we get the results on the twenty fifth....am trying not to set too much store by it....whatever will be will be, and by not trying hard to wish it all better i hope i will avoid the pain of a big let down if the news isn't good....we'll also find out then if i get a one week or two week break before the next course of chemo begins in july....it's significant because it's the only time we will be given by the oncologist for a decent holiday away from it all....we are thinking scottish islands at the moment in the happy knowledge that if the midges bite, with all the chemo drug inside me, they will get more than they bargained for....! i see that there have been over five hundred and seventy visits to this site since i started in january....wow! i'm overcome with emulsion....thanks so much for your interest and support....love and best wishes, jellybean.