no more 'poxy oxy'

thursday 19th january...as a result of my medication review i have been taken off the oxaliplatin as the oncologist thinks it would not be prudent to risk my health any further for the time being at least by continuing with it....i am to carry on weekly with only the 5fu for three months when they will do a scan to see how i am responding....i am relieved as i can see my way forward to regaining my strength and weight....but my wife lynne is concerned because she knows the 5fu won't work as well on its own and she's so rooting for me to give this cancer the biggest kick in the teeth that I can muster....i agree but i know also that i have to find the balance between fighting off the illness without knocking me down and out...then i managed to faint to-day whilst the nurse bodged my blood test when she stuck me with needle endlessly to find a free flowing vein in my hand when normally they stick me in the arm....then it took ages for her to coax the blood out of me and she was pushing and pulling on the needle so....well ouch...and eventually i keeled over and was gone!...to tell the truth i was mostly embarrassed because in close proximity to me were other patients and family members including a teenage girl sat right next to me....it's no condition to be seen in by strangers frankly....i want to be stuck in the arm next time not the back of my hand....thus far the 5fu has made me tired and a little queasy but otherwise am ok...

can't cope with this

thursday 12th january...and so a week later i check back in at oncology at the n+n....before the nurse gets to stick me with the canula i ask to see the doctor....he takes me to a side room and i list all the oxaliplatin 'fall out' I have been through...(see below)...he weighs me and i've dropped down even more into the high nine stones...he tells me there will be no chemo this week and he'll refer back to my oncologist for instructions....I breathe an audible sigh of relief and shuffle off to visit the hospital cancer help centre where i speak to a kind ex nurse and tell her of my mounting fears about this doctor saying there are no guarantees that i won't be as sideswipingly sick as I was last time around the next time around - if you get my drift...it makes me weep at times with fear and foreboding....i decline the offer of a cup of tea and take the bus back home calling in at m+s to buy my self something tempting for supper....am now hoping my strength resolve and courage will have a chance to build again before next thursday....

sick as a parrott

Monday 9th January
Well I was as sick as the proverbial dog and parrot combined for three days, and have held bar nothing down. Alarmingly I have lost another stone in weight and am now down to ten, having been fourteen before all this started.....!
Happily I am well on the mend now and have been getting on the outside of some reddy brek, oranges and beans on toast. It's kiddy comfort food I know, but it's whatever you fancy is the thing to eat I'm told.
I've also been to see my gp and he advises ask the oncologist for a plan B. It would not be prudent to go through that again every three weeks. It's reassuring to have my expectations confirmed and I can now face up to the oncologist with some certainty.
Also I am so weak. Just standing makes my back ache. I am determined to get back to work though and will try for some tomorrow.
Lynne has been amazing and so supportive. I'm so very fortunate to have her by my side.